Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
