Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
