Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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