Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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