I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
