I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
