There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am one with the molecules
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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