i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize