remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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