I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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