I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
