Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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