hotel room ftw
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
