Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
