dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
