is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
