I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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