we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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