Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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