I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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