Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize