Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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