Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
