Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
