did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
