My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
