I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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