Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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