hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
