he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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