Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
