I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize