you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
