I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
