in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i need some magic done to my vagina
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
