I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
