You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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