I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize