The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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