just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
