My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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