I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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