Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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