just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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