i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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