Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think I died a long time ago.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
