so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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