NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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