you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
