listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
