you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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