i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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