While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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