Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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