i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
