Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
