where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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