she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
