I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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