They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
