I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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