i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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