Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
