So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
